Monday, 24 June 2013

What I wish I'd known....

Today marks my first anniversary as a single mum. The day the ex left he took with him his things and the corner stone of my life; everything came crashing down. I knew as he closed the door behind him I was starting on a journey I never thought I would take. I wish I had known then what I know now. I would love to go back to that moment; I would sit myself down with a tissue and a cup of tea and tell myself a few things.

The first steps are the hardest – Packing the first box to leave your old family home, going to a new playgroup for the first time, going on a first date or the first run. But the more first steps you take the easier they become. Don’t let you world become small. Just take a deep breath, smile and step into the unknown you never know when it will take you somewhere great, like to a new friend.

You can do more than you think – Finding a house, making it a home, choosing a School for IK,  dealing with a slugs, managed sleeping problems, tantrums and anger, setting up the computer, running 5K, building bunk beds, starting a blog and dealing with everyday dramas. Give it all a go and surprise yourself

Not everyone will be there for you as you thought – But that’s ok, everyone has there own lives and you won’t be there for everyone either. Be grateful for those people who are. You have an amazing family and some great friends who will help you in hundreds of different ways (and much more than they will ever know.)

Not every question will have an answer – Think carefully before you ask, the answer might not be one you want to hear or there simply may be no answer at all. Not everything will make sense. For your own health and happiness, let some things go.

Not everything is you fault, or his – It takes two to tango as they say. The choice to leave was his but you both could have done more. The important thing is to find a way to get along so you can both continue to be the kind of parents you want for the girls. There will be times to stand your ground and times to compromise. Remember not everything makes sense and some things just aren’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean you are a bad person and you haven’t failed, which leads to my next point.

When the time is right, you will be able to let go – The hardest thing to come to terms with will be the feeling that your life will never be right again. The deep held believe that if you are no longer married to the girl’s dad things are just wrong. As you have been through your first year as a family of three and have enjoyed Christmas, birthday’s and a holiday this feeling will fade and you will realised that your little family it still great, its not what you thought it was going to be but it is amazing. Forgiveness will take time, but it is the key to moving on.

This time next year – You will be stronger, wiser and happier. You will be looking back at the hardest year of your life and realising you have survived it. You will have re built the foundations of your life and provided a stable, loving, happy home for the girls. You will be looking to the challenges of the future with excitement not fear, you will value what you already have with love and gratitude and you will have a true belief that you have the strength to deal with what ever comes next

You will be ok – You are stronger than you know and the bond of your family comes from the love you have for your girls, that can never be broken and neither can you

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