Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Dating.....it seemed like such a good idea

‘Time heals all’ You would not believe how many time I have been told that, but it is actually true. I have begun to feel as thought my broken heart was on the mend, and after going to the cinema, out to lunch and even the pub alone I thought maybe it was time for someone new in my life. But being a single mum living in a new area my options for getting out and about to meet a potential new chap were some what limited. A very good friend suggested I try on line dating and my first thoughts  were ‘Its so sad’ and ‘I’ll probably be kidnapped my some crazy person’ But apparently 1 in 3 relationships now start on line and my social life of baby groups and mum’s meet ups weren’t likely to have much potential dating wise, so I signed myself up. I filled in the ‘application form’ and the worse bit, wrote a profile! The idea is to sell yourself, so where to start? Singe mum, not currently working, a bit lonely and self esteem knocked after divorce, body in working order but a bit shabby after two babies? Probably not the way to go! So I focused on the more positive, only lied a little bit and wrote a slightly cringe worthy few lines about myself, found a few recent pictures and off I went.

Much to my surprise I actually started to get some messages. There was the 18 year old, the Meatloaf lookalike, the guy who said he was 40, but looked more like 50. There was the one who looked like his picture was taken 10 years ago, the guy who said he only did drugs at the weekend, the ‘chef’ who worked in a kebab shop and the bin man who’s profile said he was an eternal pessimist (quick where do I sign up). There were a fair few who just wanted to find someone to ‘share there life wiv’ (now my spelling isn’t great but come on!) Someone who was looking for ‘discreet’ fun (aka he had a wife or girlfriend or both!) and then, my personal favourite, the one who offered to dress me in rubber and restrain me! (And yes that was an opening message!!). And you simply would not believe the amount of men who like to go to the gym and are looking for someone to treat like a princess!! Yes I received messages alright but pickings seemed slim!

But against the odds I did meet someone, he was what I was looking for, cute, funny, caring and he had an interesting job. He reminded me how lovely it is when you meet someone who you have a genuine connection with, and how much fun a new relationship can be. However, dating is complicated and I’m out of practice! With careers, children and enough emotional baggage between us to keep Heathrow busy, it was not meant to be. It also made me realise how easy it is to get hurt again, once you let you guard down and start to let someone in, you have to trust them. Not easy when you’ve been so hurt in the past.

So there is no ‘Cinderella’ style happy ending to this particular story. But actually that’s ok because I realised I don’t need rescuing. After 9 years in a relationship I’m enjoying time on my own and I’m finally ok with being single. Yes, sometimes it can be lonely, but there are lots of great things about it just being me. I can do things I want to do, make decisions based on what is best for me and the girls and what we want and I never have to watch sport!

So, would I try online dating again, maybe, Am I in a rush to find a new relationship? No. But hey, should a handsome, funny, caring man come into my life and want to take me out for a drink, I’d be ok with that ;)

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