Sunday, 19 May 2013

The last important date

Today would have been my 7th wedding anniversary and after having been separated for nearly 11 months, this is the last important date that I had to face alone. The first was my birthday which was only about 6 weeks after he left. My family made a really big effort, they bought me a lovely present and we all went out for the day. My friends were lovely sending me flowers and chocolates, but the lack of my husband to share my day with made my heart feel heavy. But I got through the day with only a few tears and we have since celebrated Christmas, New Years, IK’s birthday, Valentines Day and Mothers Day as a family of three. Each one has got easier as more time has passed and we have adapted to our new life. A good friend asked me a few days ago how I would feel today and I said I really didn’t know, but I had always thought our wedding anniversary would be the hardest. Actually it hasn’t been hard at all

The girls and I had a lovely lunch and have spent the day enjoying the sunshine, and as I am writing this the girls are asleep and I am enjoying a glass of wine. I have thought briefly about our wedding day today, but at no point have I missed the ex. My main thought has been, on the day I got married did I really know what I was doing? I don’t know if I really thought through the implications of getting married at 24 and living my entire life with one person. I wonder if I fully understood the commitment that I was making that day. But I guess I was young, in love and full of hope; I thought we would be the lucky ones who made it work. Maybe I’m looking back at myself now through the pain and cynicisms of divorce. Either way I know that despite the heart ache and suffering I will always be glad that I married him. He gave me the two things no one else ever could, my girls. And now after 11 months I feel nothing for him, there is no more anger, sadness or pain, I know I finally have closure. So ‘Cheers’ to that!!!

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