You know you have a toddler when

You wake up in the morning ready for battle and go to bed at night not sure who won

You feel the baby days fading away as nappies, pushchairs and quiet milk feeds all slowly disappear

You sound like a broken record, the stressed out mother you used to judge in the supermarket and, worst of all, your own mum

You start thinking the male Cbeebies presenters are cute and find yourself singing the Pepppa Pig theme tune in the shower

You are ‘that’ parent allowing your small child to wee in a lay-by, behind a tree, down a drain or pretty much anywhere

Your handbag is filled with crayons, stickers, baby-wipes and raisins, your lip gloss is dusty in the draw, no time for that now

You have to hide to eat a biscuit but have an audience when you use the toilet

You get passed a banana phone and actually speak into it

You think 7am is a lay in and a complete impossibility

You find Weetabix glued to your jeans at the end of the day and realise you have been out like that, but you are too tired to care

You need at least 20 minuets notice to leave the house and popping to buy a pint of milk feels like an epic journey

You wonder what you used to do with your time and money, what peace and quiet is and where you sanity has gone

You can’t remember what your carpets look like because they are always covered in toys, but it fine because you haven’t got the time or energy to hoover anyway

Your are word perfect in The Bear Hunt and Hairy Maclary but can’t remember anything else

You start counting down the hours till bed time at 10 am and wonder if it is ok to have a glass of wine before they are fast asleep at night

You smile through gritted teeth when well meaning people say ‘enjoy this age, it goes so quickly’

You see a glimpse of the child they are growing into and it makes your heart melt

You know your love for them is infinite so you try to have patience and understanding

You know you have a toddler when your looking forward to the time you can reflect with rose coloured glasses at these stressful, crazy, funny, difficult days