The
day that I received my decree absolute in the post I had a tide of emotions,
sadness, anger, relief and hope. But something else struck me, I had been
officially divorced for 10 days and I hadn’t know! I was so uninvolved in the process (the
opposite of the day I got married). My solicitor had done all the paperwork, I
hadn’t had to go to court, all I had to do was sign my name a few times! It
then got me thinking about my name. The decision to change my name in the first
place had been a simple one. I had never even considered keeping my maiden name
once we were married and like most brides I was excited about being called Mrs
for the first time and signing my new name!
But
holding my decree absolute I started to wonder if I should change my name back.
Was I a Hallam anymore? Could I be a Wood again? It began to feel like a bigger
question that just a name. Who was I? So much of who I had been, was being
someone’s wife and that was now gone. I felt like my identity had been dissolved
along with my marriage. And as with the divorce its self, it had happened
without me even realising it!
My
first thought was that Hallam is the girls’ surname, and I did like the fact we
all shared the name. There is also a very long list of people I would have
inform if I changed it back, and the admin involved in that did not fill me
with any joy! But on the other hand, it still felt like my ex’s name, not mine.
Being
married and having the girls changed me in a thousand ways, big and small and
I’m just not Emma Wood anymore (she had nicer boobs and a flatter stomach for a
start!) I realised I can’t go back to who I was, I need to look to the future
and decide who I want to be now
So
for better or worse I am still Emma Hallam. And as for the question as to ‘who
am I’ well the answer to that is I’m a mum, a daughter, a sister, an aunty and
a friend. I’ve realised I’m strong, independent and at times overly emotional.
I’m still a massive Friends fan, I love cake and I get grumpy when I’m hungry;
the rest I guess I can figure out in my own time along the way
Very true, such a massive decision which is so often overlooked. I think you have made the right decision and as always was clearly well thought through! Big hugs, Luci xxx
ReplyDelete