You know you have a toddler when

You wake up in the morning ready for battle and go to bed at night not sure who won

You feel the baby days fading away as nappies, pushchairs and quiet milk feeds all slowly disappear

You sound like a broken record, the stressed out mother you used to judge in the supermarket and, worst of all, your own mum

You start thinking the male Cbeebies presenters are cute and find yourself singing the Pepppa Pig theme tune in the shower

You are ‘that’ parent allowing your small child to wee in a lay-by, behind a tree, down a drain or pretty much anywhere

Your handbag is filled with crayons, stickers, baby-wipes and raisins, your lip gloss is dusty in the draw, no time for that now

You have to hide to eat a biscuit but have an audience when you use the toilet

You get passed a banana phone and actually speak into it

You think 7am is a lay in and a complete impossibility

You find Weetabix glued to your jeans at the end of the day and realise you have been out like that, but you are too tired to care

You need at least 20 minuets notice to leave the house and popping to buy a pint of milk feels like an epic journey

You wonder what you used to do with your time and money, what peace and quiet is and where you sanity has gone

You can’t remember what your carpets look like because they are always covered in toys, but it fine because you haven’t got the time or energy to hoover anyway

Your are word perfect in The Bear Hunt and Hairy Maclary but can’t remember anything else

You start counting down the hours till bed time at 10 am and wonder if it is ok to have a glass of wine before they are fast asleep at night

You smile through gritted teeth when well meaning people say ‘enjoy this age, it goes so quickly’

You see a glimpse of the child they are growing into and it makes your heart melt

You know your love for them is infinite so you try to have patience and understanding

You know you have a toddler when your looking forward to the time you can reflect with rose coloured glasses at these stressful, crazy, funny, difficult days 

A Passion for Writing

How often do you have the opportunity to indulge a passion? Well last week I did just that on an Arvon writing course.

Wet and late was not how I had planned to arrive after six months of anticipation, but no one told the M62 or the Yorkshire weather. Winding my way through the narrow lanes, the weather getting worse, the light fading and the directions getting evermore complicated I begin to question my judgement at booking this in the first place. But when I finally arrive the warm welcome calms my anxiety, reassuring me of my choice for a week away.

The Arvon foundation runs residential courses to assist writers with unlocking their creativity. I chose Beginning to Write at Lumb Bank, a house set in the stunningly beautiful West Yorkshire countryside that once belonged to Ted Hughes.

Our tutors for the week are as contrasting as they are inspiring. The irrepressible poet, Lemn Sissay, energetic and funny; the wonderful and insightful Hannah Pool a journalist and author. Both equally passionate about writing and helping others develop their voice and style. They guide us through the stimulating workshops with a good mix of technical information, enthusiasm and humour.

Living at Lumb Bank with the 15 other students is an experience in it’s self. Sharing creativity and talent along side cooking and washing up, they become a surrogate family; warm, nurturing, good fun and with the odd strange one (mentioning no names, you know who you are). As the week rolls on, the wine and conversation flow more easily and lasting friendships are formed.

So what did I learn? I have a voice, inspiration is everywhere, self editing is vital and most importantly, write something, anything, every single day and trust the process. Would I go again? Without hesitate. Before the course I packed plenty of guilt with my laptop and wellies, leaving the girls with their Dad for a week felt very selfish. But I have come home with so much more than a technical improvement in my writing, I have focus, motivation and a new, wonderful feeling of being at peace with myself.

The Terrible Two

Well life has certainly got away from me over the last few weeks; I can’t believe that we are already at half term. The last few weeks have gone by in a blur of getting up, dressed, breakfast, out the house for school, doing my day job, rushing home to pick the girls up, then swimming, food shopping, book reading, tea cooking, laundry doing, pack lunch making, bath time, bed time and then me lying face down on the sofa in a state of complete exhaustion!

In between all of this the terrible two’s have hit our house in a big way. CJ is developing into a playful, cheeky, loving little girl, but with this comes the steep learning curve that she can’t have everything her own way. She is also into everything! If she not tipping a box of 6 50 piece jigsaws on the floor, she is climbing on the table, emptying the bubble bath on the floor, picking the cat up by her tail, jumping on the sofa, running off or taking all the baby out the packet. She can often be found in ‘time out’ and the most commonly used phrases in our house at the moment are ‘CJ no, Mummy said no, now put the cat/snack basket/jigsaw/bubble bath, anything else she can get her little fingers on, down’ The selective hearing usually kicks in and so this is then closely followed by ‘CJ that behaviour is not ok’

But far worse than all mess she now makes is the tantrums. A word that will strike fear into heart of any parent with a toddler. There haven’t been many (yet!) but she can go from sweet to horrible in less than a second and will communicate her disapproval at the word ‘No’ in the most vocal and animated way possible.

So it came to be that during a recent trip to Sainsbury’s CJ could be found screaming, face down on the floor, myself and IK watching on. Now you might think that I would be embarrassed by this behaviour but actually on this occasion I wasn’t. You see firstly I have lived through this stage with IK and we both came out the other end relatively un-scathed so I have hope it won’t last forever. Secondly I understand that a tantrum is not necessarily her being badly behaved at her age it is really just an overflow of emotion. CJ is a strong willed little lady who is learning how to deal with life and trying to find where her boundaries are. When she doesn’t like those boundaries she can’t always cope with the flood of emotions that brings, so it overflows out of her in torrent she isn’t yet able to control. I’m sure we can all relate to how she is probably feeling, although for most adults it is not usually over a Peppa Pig magazine and I personally try to keep the face down screaming in Sainsbury’s to a minimum!

But that said, I will not be dictated to by a two year old, even if I do love her more than life itself. So it is my job to teach her that yes these emotions are difficult to deal with, but screaming / shouting / hair pulling are not the best ways to do this. That is hard for a two year old to understand so the only way I can communicated this with her is to try and ignore the negative behaviour and praise her on those occasions when she does listen or I do say no and she manages to carry on with life in more composed way.

However, the theory is great, but in practice some days my supply of patience is rather depleted and sometimes I’d quite frankly rather walk away and pretend the screaming child belongs to someone else. But this particular day I didn’t, IK and I stood there watching her, getting funny looks and the odd tut, then IK said the funniest thing ‘Mummy this is not ok is it!’ her tone exactly the same as mine (hardly surprising as I say it about 50 times a day). And I laughed ‘No IK it isn’t, but she is learning so we need to be patient with her, and she will stop soon’ which she did. Despite it feeling as though an hour of my life had passed it was probably less than two minutes. CJ stood up and looked at me, I asked her if she was finished, she said yes and we carried on with our day, without the Peppa Pig magazine that had started the whole thing.

So to those who’d tut whilst my littlest lady is behaving in this way I would say this:

‘I’m trying to bring this little person up to be a well mannered, well behaved, confident, thoughtful, happy young lady. I’m doing this incredibly difficult, demanding and emotional job, twice and alone. I don’t get it right every day and neither does she, but we are both trying our best to find our own way through the complicated journey of life. So I would ask for some patience and understanding, your dirty looks and tuts are as offensive to me as my child screaming is to you, so keep your opinions to yourself and if you really can’t…..just sod off!’