Confused, so very confused

Ok so here is my confession of the day. I am seriously behind the majority of the word with regards to Social Media. Up until about three months ago my experience was limited to Facebook and I was quite happy to update my status with random snippets (interesting ones obviously) about my daily life, photos of the girls and generally keep up, and be nosey with what friends and a few random acquaintances were up to. Then I was introduced to the world of Twitter which is a different animal all together. I love that can follow anyone you want to which means I can keep up with what John Bishop (yum) is up to. Once I’d got my head round the # thing and that people I’d have never heard of were following, replying and re tweet things, I was away.

Now I consider myself relatively intelligent and I used to pick things up quite quickly, but two babies and a year as a SAHM means my poor brain is stodgier than the porridge I make. But this was one of the main motivating factors for starting my blog; to exercise my brain, to try and keep up with the world and to see if I can actually write.

But blogging is a BIG thing with a whole world of its own that I knew nothing about. It turns out it is not just emptying the contents of my head onto the World Wide Web. There are, amongst other things, content strategy, monetization, traffic generation, self hosting, guest blogging, pugins and communities to get to grips with. Whilst at the same time making sure what I’m blogging is interesting and has personality and integrity. I know a bit about Facebook and Twitter to promote my blog but what about Google +, Pinterest, Intragram, Linkedin and Youtube! There is so much to learn and I’m not sure where to start. I feel out the loop, out my depth and a bit like I’m the last one to the party! But my mum has a great saying for times like this “How do you eat an Elephant? One mouthful at a time!” This is certainly an elephant, so pass me the fork, I’d better get stuck in!

On to the next big thing

This week has been one of goodbyes as IK had her last day at nursery. This is a big thing for a little girl as she says goodbye to friends, teachers and her pre school days. In September, with many other people we will be entering a brave new word of the School run, uniform and stricter routine. We MUST be on time and will be tied to taking holidays and days out during School holidays, although with the governments plans to allow Schools to set their own term dates, who knows when that will be!

I wondered at the beginning of the week if I would feel sad collecting her from nursery for the last time, but I wasn’t. You see I’m not sad that she is growing up and moving on in fact I’m really pleased she is. She is much more interesting now than the baby that I bought home from hospital. She is growing up into a bright, spirited, inquisitive, fun and often cheeky girl. If she is thinking something she has to say it and if she feels something she wants us all to know about it! She loves food and has a very sophisticated palate with smoked salmon, olives and chorizo being among her favourite foods. As with all children she has her challenges, the biggest of which is her quick temper. Helping her to learn how to control and manage it has been our biggest source of anguish and distress over the last year and I have no doubt will continue to be over the coming years.  

So I didn’t cry when I picked her up for the last time that was until I read the card she had been given by her teacher. It was warmly and genuinely written and made me proud of how well my little lady is thought of. I do however think her first day of School will be an emotional business. Sending her off in her uniform for the first time, grown up and ready to take on the world (or Primary School at least) will certainly bring a tear to my eye. September will also see CJ starting nursery and I’m 99% certain there will be tears all round there. I must stock up on tissues in August!!

But before we get to the new beginnings there is the summer holiday to contend with. I, like millions of other mums (and dads!) will be wondering how to keep them occupied for 6 weeks, and in our case, on a budget as well. (So all tips / advice / suggestions gratefully received.)

Wednesday Words - I am Woman

Yesterday was one of those difficult days, when for no particular reason the girls seemed to have forgotten how to share or play nicely together. They spend most of the day falling out with each other, wanting the toy or book the other one had, shouting at each other, pulling each other’s hair and generally being unpleasant. It was hot yesterday, lovely if you want to sit and not do a lot, but when your trying to wrestle a toddler into clothes, or chase them round with sun cream or a hair brush its not as much fun.

By 10 o’clock I felt frazzled; the heat and horrible behaviour meant I was in a pretty awful mood myself and kept snapping at the girls, which did nothing to improve the situation. The day was in a downward cycle and I felt as though nothing could rescue the situation. But then a song came on the iPod, Helen Reddy’s I am Woman and IK shouted ‘Mummy it’s our song’

It is indeed our song and so I decided to share the lyrics today for my Wednesday Words. When we were first on our own it became our anthem, I’m a bit of a closet Country Music fan and the lyrics summed up so eloquently the way I was trying so desperately to feel.  We would put it on, turn the volume up and sing and dance together and it always made me feel better. We haven’t listened to it for ages but as we turned it up yesterday and danced round the dinning room together, I instantly felt happier and I realised I wasn’t trying to feel strong anymore because I do feel strong ….well most of the time!

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

Words and Music by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

Potty training: a learning experience for both of us.

That time has crept up on me again. Some how CJ is now two and the signs are were there that she is ready give knickers a go. Over the last few weeks I’ve come up with a few reasons to delay it, holidays, day trips, parties but mostly it was just that I wasn’t ready. You see I’m not very good with mess in general and potty training is the ultimate in mess management. But I didn’t want to miss the window of opportunity, so I decided that when they came home from their last visit with their Dad we would get straight on with it. So on Friday we were in through the door, the nappy was off and the knickers were on.

There is a plethora of advice / theories / strategies on potty training. Pull up nappies, books, reward charts, stickers, fancy singing potties and who knows what else. All designed to make the process easier, or if you’re a bit cynical, to make you part with a bit more money. And with IK, we went for it in a big way! In fact I got myself into a right kerfuffle with the whole business ‘Was she ready?’ ‘What if she poo’d whilst we were in Morrisons?’ ‘How would I possibly manage the torrent of wee and poo that was about to surge from this small child’

So I turned to a good friend with two slightly older children for advice. She told me the best thing she had done with her second was to wait till he was really ready and could recognise the feeling of need to go, without her having to constantly remind him. It had made the whole process quicker, less messy and less stressful all round. Her words were wise and meant I decided to leave in IK in nappies for a while longer. So when 4 months later she asked me if she could wear knickers instead of nappies because the other girls at nursery did, she went dry straight away and has only ever had a handful of accidents.

However I promptly forgot all this on Friday and by the time bedtime arrived I was a frazzeled mess and so grateful to put a nappy on CJ. We had wee and poo in the knickers, on the chair, the sofa and the carpet.  Aaarrrrhhhh!!! I had found myself saying ‘Do you need a wee?’ or ‘Remind mummy when you need a wee’ about every 5 minuets which just upset CJ and she still wee’d everywhere but the potty!

So on Saturday morning I wondered if she just wasn’t ready and thought about keeping her in nappies. But I decided to persevere; I pointed out where the potty was, with more hope than expectation and then went for a shower. Much to my surprise, 5 minuets later, CJ walked in, sat on the potty and had a poo. No fuss, no bother and no reminding. A big kiss and cuddle for her and a light bulb moment for me. I had forgotten the wise words and I had been going about it all wrong. I didn’t want to ‘train’ her to use the potty when I told her to, I wanted her to learn to go when she needed to. I realised I quite literally had to let her do it in her own time.

So I gave my controlling side a stern word to give the poor little thing some space and a reminder of what my role was in the process; To show CJ were the potty was, gently reminder her if it been a while since went (and I mean an hour Emma, not 5 minuets), clean up any mess and most importantly congratulate her when she does well.

And she has done well, she had only one accident yesterday and today #veryproudmummy. Yes there will still be accidents and the inevitable ‘I need a wee’ usually at the most inconvenient moment, like when you’ve just put your shopping on the checkout or your stuck in town in traffic. But I know I will just deal with any mess, and maybe have to find a new supermarket to shop in!  

So I feel I can say that potty training has been a success, not just because CJ is now clean and dry in the day but also because she reminded me that as a mum sometimes it is important for me to relax and run with it and that positivity is always better than stress. Well done CJ, you clever thing.

And the Kitten make four

One of the things I miss most about my life PD (pre divorce) is Freddie, or Brown Bear as we affectionately called him. Freddie is a rather large, over excitable chocolate Labrador. The ex and I got him shortly before we were married and he was part of our family in a big way. He was a nightmare puppy, eating the fence, the shed, the door frames, the expanding foam out of the door frame, (which required a trip to the emergency vet on Christmas Eve!!) contact lenses, a pavlova, the contents of the bin on most days and more dog toys that I could count. But he was loyal, loving and a great excuse for a long walk. So when the girls and I moved it was with a heavy heart that I realised he wouldn’t be ale to come with us. My housing options were limited to a choice of one; it is small and only has a little court yard garden. I knew keeping him would be very impractical, but couldn't bare the part with him, so I was really pleased when my in laws, who have always had a soft spot for him anyway, offered to take him on. They have a lovely big garden, lots of doggy friendly walking on their doorstep and most importantly the time he needs.

So for the last year we have been a pet free household and it did feel as though there was something missing, apart from my ex husband! I’d been thinking about getting a kitten for a while, but I am a self confessed ditherer and now I’m on my own my ability to make decisions seems to be getting worse. So I asked my four year old, IK, for her opinion on the matter. Her eyes lit up, her smile widened and he said ‘Yeah mummy, lets do it’ Decision made! As this was about a month before went away I decided to be sensible and wait till we got back, however this did mean I had a whole 4 weeks of IK chatting about the kitten and asking when we would be getting it.

I called the lady at the local cat rescue place and her response of ‘Now you do know its going to be like having a new born baby in the house?’ still makes me chuckle. I assured her that after a puppy and two babies I was quite prepared for the work involved, but my only stipulation was we had to have a female. This is a house of girls and we are not ready for any male intrusion just yet! So just over a week ago Koko (IK 's choice of name) came home and so far she has fitted very nicely into our life.

Now the only similarities I can find between her and a new born baby is they are both small and both very cute. I feed Koko three little meals a day, she has a few toys she plays with and she sits on my knee for some fuss when it suits her. She likes to hide and so far I have found her in the bathroom cupboard, in the shopping basket of the pushchair, behind the sofa and in the dolls pram. She is fluffy and has the loudest purr I think I have ever heard but she is fairly low maintenance.

My memories of both of mine being newborns are a bit hazy but they were certainly not low maintenance. There was lots of crying, from me and them, explosive nappies, so much washing and not much sleeping going on at all. There was also a general feeling of confusion about what day and time it was, should I be dressed and when exactly did I last have a shower. I often found myself wondering if either the baby or myself should be eating something, that was if could remember when either of us last did. And then there was the big one, how were we going to leave the house, ever. Taking a newborn out for the first time is a gargantuan effort and a logistical nightmare that for many new mother, awash with hormones and overly emotional, can feel the equivalent of climbing Everest!

So I can say that without doubt, having a kitten is not the same as having a newborn. Koko is a long term commitment and does need love and attention, but nothing like on the same scale as a baby….thank goodness